How to tell a partner about an STI anonymously

Telling a partner yourself is usually quickest. But sometimes you can’t or shouldn’t: it was anonymous, you only have a number, you’re not out, or you don’t feel safe. That’s what anonymous notification is for. Your partner still gets the message to test, and your name stays out of it.

Ways to tell someone anonymously

Free options come first.

1. 1
   Your clinic or health departmentAsk for partner services when you get your result. Trained staff contact your partners by phone, text or in person, tell them they may have been exposed, and help them test. They don’t say who gave them the name.
   Free
2. 2
   TellYourPartner.orgA free tool from public health groups that sends an anonymous text or email telling someone to get tested. Texts are always anonymous. San Francisco City Clinic and the Chicago Department of Public Health both point people to it.
   Free
3. 3
   A testing company’s notification toolSome at-home and lab testing companies, like STDcheck, offer a free tool that sends an anonymous text or email for you.
   Free

Outside the US, look at Let Them Know in Australia, SH:24 in the UK (for chlamydia), and the Burnett Foundation’s Tell Me message builder in New Zealand.

How health department partner services work

When you test positive for HIV, syphilis or sometimes gonorrhea or chlamydia, the clinic may offer partner services. If not, ask for them. Someone from the health department, often called a disease intervention specialist, asks who you’ve had sex with recently. A first name, an app profile or a phone number is often enough.

They then contact each person, tell them they may have been exposed to an STI and should get tested, and can help them get tested and treated quickly. They don’t say who gave them the name, and they don’t say when. Chicago’s health department, for example, describes the service as free, voluntary and confidential.

This is the best option when the infection is HIV or syphilis, when you can’t reach someone yourself, or when you think they’ll react badly.

Make sure your anonymous message gets read

An anonymous text that just says “you might have an STD” looks like spam, or like a prank. People do send fake ones. To be taken seriously, include:

• The specific infection. “Chlamydia” is credible in a way “an STD” isn’t.
• What test to ask for. Throat and rectal swabs for chlamydia and gonorrhea, a blood test for syphilis and HIV.
• Where to go. A clinic, their doctor, or gettested.cdc.gov.

If a tool lets you write your own note, here’s one to start from.

Someone you’ve had sex with recently has tested positive for gonorrhea and wanted you to know. Please get tested, even if you feel fine, and ask for throat and rectal swabs as well as urine. It’s treatable with antibiotics. Free testing: gettested.cdc.gov

If you send one from your own number or app account, it isn’t anonymous, but you can still keep it short and leave out the details.

Hey, just letting you know I tested positive for syphilis. You should get a blood test soon, even without symptoms. That’s all, no need to reply.

For more wording by situation, see how to tell a partner you have an STI.

Who to tell

Anonymity doesn’t change who should hear from you. For chlamydia and gonorrhea, the CDC says to notify anyone you had sex with in the 60 days before your symptoms or diagnosis. For syphilis, the window is longer: 3 months to a year, depending on the stage. If you haven’t had sex with anyone in that time, tell your most recent partner.

When anonymous isn’t the best choice

Anonymous messages are easy to ignore. With a boyfriend, a regular or a friend, a direct message from you is far more likely to get them to a clinic, and they’ll probably work out who sent an anonymous one anyway. Anonymous works best for people you barely know or can’t safely contact.

Only use these tools to tell people about a real result. Sending fake notifications to scare or harass someone is cruel, and some services say they’ll work with police if it’s reported.

Frequently asked questions

Is there a free way to tell someone they have an STI anonymously?
Yes. In the US, health department partner services are free and don’t use your name, and TellYourPartner.org sends a free anonymous text or email.

Will the health department tell my partner who I am?
No. Partner services staff tell people they may have been exposed and should get tested. They don’t say who named them or when.

Can someone trace an anonymous STD text back to me?
The services don’t share your number or name with the person you notify. But if you’re the only person they’ve slept with lately, they may guess.

Is an anonymous STD text real or a prank?
Real notifications name a specific infection and point to testing. If you get one, the safest move is a test at a clinic. It costs little or nothing and settles it.

What should I do if I get an anonymous STI message?
Get tested for the infection it names, at every site you use for sex, and tell the clinic you were notified. They may treat you the same day.

Sources: CDC STI Treatment Guidelines, CDC: Expedited partner therapy, CDC: Getting tested for STIs.